Soooo Longggg

July 28th, 2019

Over half of 2019 is, well, over, and yet I’d love nothing more than to say goodbye. Without a doubt, this has been the longest year of my life. People say it’ll be in my rear view mirror. I say, there isn’t a rear view mirror big enough for that. The freight trains that keep coming never seem to stop.

I miss my husband, I miss my friend Rob, I miss an easier life. But then, what is that?

Just exactly, what is an easier life? We all talk about it. We certainly dream about it. But what does that mean really? What is an easy life? Is it a life without tears? No, for a life without tears is an empty one. Is it a life without friends? Well, that just goes back to what I said before, an empty life.

Seeing friends die, spouses too, is gut wrenching to say the least. Who wants that? Who says yes to having their hearts ripped out over and over again? Well, strange as it may seem, given the little slice of hell of this year alone, I do. Why? Simple, I don’t want a life without friends or love.

Guarding the heart from sorrow is laughable at best and work, really hard work. I don’t wanna work that hard. Paying my bills, writing stories, that’s hard. But to shut off the heart? Please! That’s a job way beyond me. Sadly, there are those that live like that. I’ve met them. I’ve run from them too. Sigh.

I cry when I think of my friends gone too soon: Mark, Mike, Rob, my parents – ok granted they were old but still, I looked to my dad for his wisdom and now he’s gone.

In a digital world, work with me on this, I found a bunch of school friends from 51 years ago. Can you believe it? And as we have gotten back into each other’s lives, it’s like we were never apart. 51 years? Please, we were on the playground last week. Okay, so it’s the playground of our memories but that’s how it felt to talk, laugh and remember.

I really think that the easier life mentioned above is more about the life we had as kids when we played together at school. Our home lives weren’t so great perhaps, but our fun times together made everything so much easier.

As I reflect on my sorrows of this year, I tap into those carefree school days with my friends. What a boost.

Comments are closed.